Long Distance Relationships: Don't Let them Bite you in the Butt

This was a piece I wrote for a women's online magazine - www.ETPmagazine.com. They edited it a little, which was kind of unnecessary (but what writer won't say that), and I think in a couple of places they made it a little clunkier than it was before, but those changes are really very minor and I'm only noticing them because, well, I wrote it and it's mine and...all those sorts of feelings. I know I'll have to get used to my work being subbed obviously, and one day I might even be the person doing the subbing. So, I'll have to learn to let things go!

Here's the link to the article, but I'm posting the original piece here:
http://www.etpmagazine.com/index.php?view=article&catid=41%3Apeople&id=306%3Ahow-to-handle-a-long-distance-relationship&option=com_content&Itemid=82

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LONG DISTANCE: DON'T LET IT BITE YOU IN THE BUTT

It’s Monday evening. It’s been one of those days. You’re eating fish finger butties because, as usual, you forgot to go food shopping. Your face is a breeding ground for new and undiscovered acne; your boss dumped three extra shifts on you; your tutor dumped five extra essays and oh, yeah, you left your living quarters looking vaguely like something out of The Piano.

You’re mardy.

You want a hug.

You want it now.

....but here comes the catch. Your other half lives at the opposite end of the country. Or, as in the case of moi, a different country. So you grumpily send a reproving text, dump the mushy fish remains in the bin and plough on through the piles of your life currently residing on the bedroom floor.

Sound familiar? As the world becomes a significantly smaller place, the opportunities to meet –and fall for – someone living on the other side of the planet have been greatly improved. Intercity? A breeze. Intercontinental? Not a problem; we’re people of the 21^st century. Heck, what can’t we do.

That said however, long distance love won’t always be a walk on a sandy beach, on a summers eve, with a pinkish sky and a...you get my drift. It can be tough. It can be trying. It can feel an awful lot like hard work...and then it is that proverbial glass of sparkling rosé. Heaven. So from one long-distance-ite to another, a few shared secrets of transatlantic love...

* Don’t take each other for granted.

It’s the cardinal rule of any relationship but for this it stands tenfold. Unlike those lucky (mutter, grumble) people who get to live in the same city, never mind house, your partner isn’t necessarily always there for you to ignore. Doesn’t mean it can’t be done though...people get busy. You have a job, a degree, work coming out the wazoo, and, somewhere in there, a social life. Just don’t forget the little things, okay? I’m wagging my finger here. An unexpected soppy text brightens every day...

* Communication, communication, communication.

The one thing I can vouch for! Invest in a webcam – it makes such a difference to be able to see the Other Half when you’re talking. Phones are wonderful for revelling in their accents/gorgeous voices/amusing speech patterns...but nothing beats seeing that smile, right?

* It’s the Little Things...

India Arie sang it, and I’m going to nod along and agree. The best thing? Letters. Snail mail! The Yank has worse handwriting than a teacher...more sloping hieroglyphics than legible words, but nothing beats finding something to decode in my letterbox. The Second Best Thing? Sending memories...remember that time you went to ___ with ___ and slept in a tent and it blew away and a goat ate your ____? Every couple has memorable moments. Did you eat something special or see something amazing? Find a picture, a little trinket, a packet of something you ate, anything post-able, and send it First Class.

* BusyBusyBusyBee

Much harder to miss someone when you’ve barely time to sit, non? Don’t take on the equivalent business of running a small third world country or anything, but having things to fill your day certainly makes the time go quicker. Besides, a watched phone-eth does not ring-eth. Trust me.

* Honesty...the best policy (for once)

The truth. You might not like it. You may not have asked for it. But it’s one thing that needs to out if you’re going to last. I’m not talking “does-my-bum-look-big-in-this-yes-actually-it’s-huge” type honesty. I mean, guys c’mon, flattery gets you most places, especially with the Christmas season and festive feasts looming. But in all seriousness, honesty (and communication!) have to be the oils for the cogs of a long-distance relationship. If something bugs you, say. If you loved something he sent. Tell him. If you’re suddenly brimming with love/anger/hostility/absolute devastation (because England lost, again...or whatever)...the things is...speak! Be tactful, but be honest. If you let something simmer away, it’ll never get resolved.

* Culture Shock

Culture differences may not be a spanner in the works at all if you’re commuting city-to-city (though try telling that to a Yorkshire person and anyone south of the Watford Gap). But for intercontinental relationships there can be that added factor of, well, a completely different way of life. It was probably part of what attracted you to that person in the first place. Thou shalt, in that case, remember the golden word: tact. Yes, he did go to catholic school, and yes he does think tucking his shirt into his ‘khaki pants’ is cool. It’s not a reason to mock him.

Not all of the time, anyway.

* Savour Every Moment...

It’s finally arrived. He’s here. You’re there. There’s no longer that ocean/mountain range/ Scottish Border between you. It’s time to stick on some John Legend, curl up together in a comfy armchair, and finally enjoy the chance to not have to speak at all...